Pistons @ Hawks - Ben Gordon invents a time machine and takes it three years into the future where he emerges as Jamal Crawford.
Bobcats @ Nets - Mikhail Prokhorov and Michael Jordan compare harems. They hit Tiger Woods on Blackberry Messenger.
Timberwolves @ Magic - David Kahn is jealous of how Orlando got Chris Duhon for so much money.
Pacers @ 76ers - These are the games that try viewers' souls.
Bucks @ Celtics - Shaq expresses his desire to one day play with someone like Brandon Jennings. Scott Skiles files a restraining order immediately.
Hornets @ Rockets - Daryl Morey explains the concept of "addition by subtraction" to the Hornets who promptly release everyone not named Chris Paul.
Mavericks @ Nuggets - The DeShawn Stevenson vs JR Smith matchup is why your dad hates pro basketball. Also, why he drinks.
Raptors @ Jazz - This game produces more shitty articles on RealGM & BleacherReport than the total number of people who actually bothered to watch it.
Spurs @ Suns - The Spurs still cannot stop Jason Richardson from hitting open threes. If only he weren't so open. Wait... nevermind. I thought I had a solution for a second.
Grizzlies @ Warriors - Starting lineups for both teams are introduced without mentioning positions. It's more accurate that way.
Thunder @ Clippers - The Clippers are quarantined after a Durantula attack.
Lakers @ Kings - Ron Artest gives his Lakers' teammates a tour of his old Sacramento haunts from that bar in Natomas to that other bar in Natomas.