Suns @ Heat - A minor scuffle ensues when Steve Nash jumps ahead of Grant Hill on the Miami Heat waiting list.
Raptors @ 76ers - Ed Davis proves to be the next Chris Bosh in terms of not-being-right-handed and not-playing-for-the-Raptors-tonight.
Wizards @ Celtics - The next 10 years of Rondo vs Wall is so promising that I'm going to start eating better.
Lakers @ Pistons - In a rematch of the 2004 Finals, the Pistons get in trouble when they discover that Chauncey Billups doesn't play for them anymore.
Clippers @ Timberwolves - Your television commits suicide.
Mavericks @ Hornets - Shawn Marion's shooting form proves useful for one very specific task. Scrubbing oil off sea turtles.
Rockets @ Thunder - Courtney Lee finds Kevin Durant's weakness. Poison darts.
Nets @ Jazz - It turns out polygamy is frowned upon in Utah, too. Mikhail Prokhorov just wasted a Wednesday.
Bulls @ Spurs - Joakim Noah bombards Tiago Splitter with questions about Brazilian culture. The frequency of the word "bitches" is innumerable.
Knicks @ Kings - Hassan Whiteside and Anthony Randolph combine their powers to become Amar'e Stoudemire at age 14.