Dissecting Bryan Colangelo's Misguided Tirade

I decided a little after the Amir Johnson post that I would stop picking on Bryan Colangelo for awhile. Yes, he's a terrible GM but he's not the only one. I figure he's trying to field a winning team despite how misguided his attempts have been. That has to count for something, right? It wasn't that long ago when he was the subject of posts like this (no shots at Nat, she's a good blogger) and canonized in twitter hash-tags (of various levels of hilarious short sightedness).

Then Bryan got on air and unleashed misguided and overly defensive tirade that was more directed away from his failures as a GM as it was directed towards Chris Bosh. It was Dan Gilbert-esque in its futility and immaturity.

I'll take an FJM approach to this because I am as lazy as Bryan Colangelo scouting an American player.

LOOK AT HOW MANY PHONES I HAVE

“Despite limited swelling and any excessive damage on an MRI, he felt like he needed to sit for six more games ..."

Chris Bosh should be playing with limited swelling and damage of the non-excessive variety! Hedo had a good excuse. He was hungover.

"I’m not even questioning Chris’ injury."

Because I'd look like some sort of detached tyrant in an expensive suit.

"I’m telling you he was cleared to play subject to tolerance on his part, and the tolerance just apparently wasn’t there and he chose not to play,”

One time I ate an undercooked steak and poo'd water for three days. On the fourth day I tried to sign Matt Barnes to an illegal contract. The point is I TRIED.

“The fact that our season was spiralling downward and we were hoping he’d come back sooner and we were also dealing with a few other things at that point"

Other things that I was directly responsible for.

"we were really struggling there.”

Chris should have returned and hobbled us to the 8th seed before committing seppuku at half court after Cleveland sweeps us.

"Whether he was mentally checked out or just wasn’t quite into it down the stretch, he wasn’t the same guy."

Bosh had 42 and 13 in last game healthy. Arguably his best game of the season while Bargnani (7/23), Weems (2/11), Antoine Wright (1/6), and Jose Calderon (1/5) took a crap all over the court. Apart from that, Chris wasn't mentally in it at all.

"I think everybody saw that, but no one wanted to acknowledge it.”

Surely nobody saw the sorry collection of talent I overpaid to assemble proceed to underachieve spectacularly. At least, I hope nobody saw that.

"At the same time, I never felt we were quite in the game (in terms of signing Bosh to a new contract). There was too much out there, too much built up for him to take an easy out here, and he decided to do that.”

Yeah, of course I wanted him back to quit on his team again. Why wouldn't I (besides the fact it invalidates the severity of everything I've just said)?

“We tried in vain to put pieces around Chris. Different pieces, different styles. It didn’t work out.”

See, it's not my fault for paying a combined $90 million on Hedo Turkoglu and Jose Calderon. It's Chris' fault for not being King Fucking Midas.

“No matter what type of player we brought in, it didn’t seem to have the right mix with him as that centrepiece.”

We tried shitty players, crappy players, European crappy players, underachievers, European underachievers, D-Leaguers, Kangaroos, Dolphins, Office Furniture, Waffle Fries...

Bryan, please do everyone a favor and concentrate on saving your own job instead of villainizing a player you wanted to sign. This does nothing but cheapen the deserved villainizing of Vince Carter. If that happens, we all lose. Except Vince.