Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Maverick Carter Confessions

ESPN recently spiked an article by Arash Markazi detailing LeBron's Las Vegas antics. I'm not particularly concerned with James' behavior. He's a 25 year old millionaire who acts like a saint compared to the Facebook boys.

More revealing were the few nuggets about James' BFF, Maverick Carter.

We learned that Maverick sits at the head of the table, even if that table also seats LeBron James and Chris Paul.

We learned that Maverick finds the top 25% of a bottle of Grey Goose to be so unpalatable that he pours it on the ground.

Lastly, we learned that Maverick will often dance around James like a totem-pole. Presumably, this is how Maverick earns his allowance.

Here are some other things that you may not know about Maverick as told by the man-child himself.

Take it away, Mavs:
  • I only eat lobster despite being severely allergic to shellfish. Gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
  • I told Biggie to go back back to Cali Cali. He could've teamed with Shaq for both the Lakers and Shaq Fu 2.
  • I own a pendant of myself wearing a pendant. Step your game up, T-Pain.
  • My game is so tight, I pick up chicks wearing LeBron's jersey. Oh, this? I must've mixed up my laundry with LeBron's again. You know, cuz I know him and we often do laundry consecutively. Works every time.
  • I bring my iPad to trivia night at the pub. Team Win is 36-0. Take that, Blarney Stoners!
  • I never wear the same clothes twice. 313 outfits a year. Did I mention "Nude Tuesdays"?
  • Despite the reports, I didn't have Braylon Edwards traded for punching my friend. I had Braylon traded for sending a bottle of warm Rozay to my table. What in the fuck am I going to do with a bottle of warm Rozay? Chill it, then drink it? Unbelievable.
  • I DVR everything on WealthTV except when they play "Hotel Rwanda" cuz that shit is depressing to a baller like Maverick.
  • Yeah, I Refer to myself as a "baller" but not like you would. You gotta say "baller" in an octave higher than the rest of the sentence. That's how real ballers do it.
  • I invented a board game I call Checkers 2k11. It's like regular checkers but the Red and Black sides ARE ON THE SAME TEAM. Is your mind blown?
  • I got Ted Ginn Jr out of Miami and into a reserve role with the 49ers. See, I can meddle with Ohio athletes in TWO sports.
  • I told LeBron he's not allowed to see Inception. We wouldn't want him thinking about people planting ideas in his head.
Maverick was going to continue but he just poured Vodka all over my carpet and Swag Surf'd his way out the door.


  1. Checkers 2k11. Classic.

  2. A chain of oneself wearing a chain...priceless.

  3. LOL @ "Inception"

  4. K-O at the Hotel Rwanda line.

    That shit would be depressing for a baller like Mav