Celtics @ Cavaliers - Following a rematch of last year's Round 2 series, Dan Gilbert criticizes LeBron for being held scoreless.
Pistons @ Nets - In addition to Rip Hamilton, the entire Nets team is adorned with face-masks as a protective measure against Avery Johnson spittle.
Heat @ 76ers - Sixers' coach Doug Collins can't stop gushing about LeBron during 20 second timeouts and also every other stoppage of play.
Knicks @ Raptors - Andy Rautins' Canadian homecoming is ruined when even Canadians pretend not to know him.
Hawks @ Grizzlies - Hasheem Thabeet sits in genral admission because the Dakota Wizards have the night off.
Kings @ Timberwolves - A flabbergasted David Kahn is shocked to learn the work stoppage isn't until NEXT season. He's got to field a team quick or he'll be in big trouble.
Bucks @ Hornets - Every entry pass Brandon Jennings wastes on Drew Gooden is matched possession-for-possession by Chris Paul and Emeka Okafor. It's almost artistic in its futility.
Bulls @ Thunder - Jeff Green is relieved that Carlos Boozer is injured. It's not Boozer's strength, but the fact he reeks of Aqua Velva.
Bobcats @ Mavericks - Tyson Chandler has 12 points, 10 boards, and 3 blocks. Erick Dampier has a McGriddle while pretending to check his voicemail.
Pacers @ Spurs - The pace of this game is somewhere between a crawl and a mosey. George Hill twice falls asleep while dribbling.
Jazz @ Nuggets - Nike unveils an equally ill-fated "Deron Williams' People of Colorado" ad-campaign.
Rockets @ Warriors - David Lee's injured finger feels good enough to point blame at Monta Ellis. Cuz, honestly, it's probably his fault.
Trail Blazers @ Clippers - The Blazers accuse the Clippers of rolling back the odometer on that '96 Marcus Camby sold to them.