Tonight's Preview

Bobcats @ Pacers - Danny Granger schools Kwame Brown on the "Cycle of Abuse." Kwame promises to leave Michael Jordan but never does.

Nuggets @ Raptors - Birdman manages to smuggle 3 kilo's of Blueberry Kush past customs back to Denver. His secret? Hiding it in Anthony Carter.

Knicks @ Wizards - After visiting the Holocaust Museum, Amar'e Stoudemire tries to show his respects with a numerical tattoo. This doesn't go over very well.

Lakers @ Bulls - Fun fact: The Bulls and Lakers got their names from the 1991 Sega Genesis game.

Pistons @ Mavericks - Alex Ajinca chills the lockerroom bumping "Immobilarity" on his iPod.

Thunder @ Hornets - Trevor Ariza rises to the challenge, assesses the challenge, and politely asks if he can change his mind about the challenge.

Rockets @ Bucks - Brad Miller shoots a mascot. In Miller's defense, Bango the Buck was coming right at him.

Hawks @ Spurs - The Spurs' Ryan Richards (English) and the Hawks' Pape Sy (French) would make this game somewhat interesting if they weren't being stashed overseas.

Trail Blazers @ Suns - The Suns regret not signing Scotty Reynolds when an injury to a ball boy leaves the staff short-handed.

Magic @ Jazz - Al Jefferson decides to go with a pick-and-pop instead of rolling to the hoop. Jerry Sloan calls back-to-back timeouts and doesn't utter a word in either of them. Instead, choosing to stare disdainfully.

Heat @ Warriors - Twitter informs Chris Bosh that he should be following LeBron and Dwyane Wade. Everybody LOLs.

Tonight's Preview

Grizzlies @ Hawks - A courtside Young Jeezy gives Zach Randolph a shoebox full of $20 bills during a timeout.

Thunder @ Nets - Brook Lopez and Kevin Durant stay up all night playing 100 rounds of Super Smash Brothers on Brook's Nintendo Gamecube. Durant won't stop spamming pikachu's vertical lightning.

Wizards @ Raptors - @docfunk's first encounter with lake effect snow doesn't go so well.

Trail Blazers @ Celtics - Luke Babbitt and Luke Harangody discuss being NBA rookies named "Luke." Both decide to try on "LuMarcus" for a few days. Rolls off the tongue.

Pistons @ Heat - A rejuvenated Tracy McGrady plays 6 of the hardest minutes of his career.

Magic @ Bulls - Stan Van Gundy intends to instruct Dwight Howard to not waste fouls on Joakim Noah but all that comes out of his mouth is the word "Gah!" at various pitches.

Bobcats @ Hornets - Emeka Okafor blocks a Kwame Brown layup attempt, runs the floor, and throws down a vicious layup of his own.

Timberwolves @ Mavericks - A flustured Dirk cannot get his game on track after Darko tells him about his $20 million deal.

Lakers @ Rockets - Chase Budinger loses an eye. Who did it? I won't say any names, but if I were Matt Barnes, I would know who I am talking about.

Bucks @ Nuggets - Andruw Bogut is told he can't wear his all-white suit to games anymore and is forced to settle on his shiny "Mo Money Mo Problems" suit (of which he has several).

Pacers @ Jazz - Danny Granger continues to lead the league in existential crises.

Spurs @ Clippers - DeAndre Jordan can't decide whether he wants an 18 rebound game or to chill. He intended to flip a coin but fell asleep before it hit the ground.

Tonight's Preview

76ers @ Cavaliers - Doug Collins and Byron Scott have a contest to see who can make the fewest adjustments.

Hawks @ Pacers - What Lance Stephenson does to Mike Bibby should be illegal. What Lance Stephenson does later that night definitely is illegal.

Raptors @ Wizards - This game goes a long way to determine who will be the 9th seed in the East.

Trail Blazers @ Grizzlies - Acie Law isn't sure whether Hamed Haddadi prefers to be called Iranian or Persian, so he just continues to ignore him like always.

Lakers @ Bucks - The Zen Master gets in Brandon Jennings head by saying B.O.B is better than Lupe Fiasco.

Bulls @ Rockets - CJ Watson is pulled over and charged with being a basketball player from the University of Tennessee.

Knicks @ Nuggets - Amar'e Stoudemire justifies his contracting by getting a really good dialog going with Carmelo Anthony.

Tonight's Preview

Magic @ Bobcats - Gerald Wallace suffers a severe concussion. Who did it? I won't say any names, but if I was Dwight Howard I would know who I was talking about.

Cavaliers @ Wizards - Antawn Jamison asks to be traded back to the Wizards. Both teams express no interest.

Nets @ Heat - Devin Harris would be pissed about playing the Heat twice in a week if he weren't more pissed about playing for the Nets 82 times in a season.

Hornets @ Bucks - Scott Skiles briefly loses control of his team after his players google his arrest record.

Rockets @ Spurs - Yao Ming exceeds his allotted 24 minutes of play and turns back into a pumpkin.

Nuggets @ Mavericks - DeShawn Stevenson proves to be enough of a nuisance to hold Carmelo Anthony to a mere 45 points.

Clippers @ Jazz - Eric Gordon starts referring to himself as "Flash Gordon." Gordon Hayward responds by referring to himself as "Gordon Gekko."

Raptors @ Trail Blazers - Linas Kleiza got his groove back and all he had to do was sleep with Taye Diggs.

Grizzlies @ Kings - Zach Randolph and DeMarcus Cousins lock gazes

. For a brief moment, everything in the universe makes sense.

Tonight's Preview

Hawks @ Cavaliers - Cleveland offers Hawks' assistant coach Tyrone Hill a position. Specifically, a position in the starting lineup.

76ers @ Wizards - Welcome back, Doug Collins. How has life treated you? Oh, that's unfortunate. Tell Evan Turner I said "LOL."

Celtics @ Pistons - Ben Wallace and Shaq battling on the block reminds us all of 2004. That and the fact ESPN is still pimping "Lose Yourself" as highlight music.

Timberwolves @ Heat - Michael Beasley is confused as shit right now.

Magic @ Knicks - Vince Carter to the Knicks trade talks intensify after a phone call from Isiah Thomas.

Trail Blazers @ Bucks - There is little question about the status of Andruw Bogut's recovery from elbow surgery after he installs monkey bars and a rope ladder in his back yard.

Grizzlies @ Lakers - The Grizzlies claim they put the decimal in the wrong place in Mike Conley Jr's contract extension. He was supposed to get $450 million.